Animal Crackers (1930) 70% 3★

– One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

– You see. My idea of a house is something nice and small and comfortable. That's the way I feel about it. I don't want anything elaborate. Just a little place that I can call home and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.

– You are a very beautiful woman.
– No, no, Mr. Chandler.
– Well, maybe I'm wrong.

– May I present, Mr. Parker?
– Oh, of the Massachusetts Parkers?
– Why, no.
– Oh, then the southern Parkers?
– Oh, no! The central Parkers. You know, the, uh, benches and trees.

– We three would make an ideal couple.

– It was nothing at all. I'd rather not discuss it.
– But I can't wait to hear the finish. I must hear it.
– Well, there I was. There I was in the top of the tree with this rhinoceros pointing his gun straight at me.
– A rhinoceros?
– Yes.
– Captain, what did you do?
– What could I do? I had to marry his daughter.
– What kind of a story do you call that?
– All right, you tell one.
– And now, my friends, before we start the musical program, Captain Spaulding has kindly consented to tell us about his trip to Africa. Captain Spaulding.
– Me?…My friends, I'm going to tell you of that great mysterious, wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa is God's country, and he can have it. Well, sir. We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2. After 15 days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. We once proceeded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was 6' 7" in his stocking feet and had shoes on…

– You say you're gonna go to everybody in the house and ask them if they took the painting? Suppose nobody in the house took the painting.
– Go to the house next door.
– That's great. Suppose there isn't any house next door.
– Well, then of course we gotta build one.