Trash Humpers (2009) 33% 4★

– Heads. It would be nice…to live without…a head. Think how much money you would save on shampoo and hats. Models would be judged by their shoulders. And your ears would be in your armpits. And everyone would look like a stump. And sweaters, they would fit like socks! Boxers would all have to only rely on body blows. Dandruff would be obsolete. No more zits, no more teen naggings, lower ceilings! Chest hair…would replace the need for beards. People would buy less tables. They could eat off their table-like stumps. No more guillotines. People would weigh eight to eleven pounds less. And best of all, no one would get dizzy again.

– Like I was saying, sometimes, and this is an important, this is important. You don't really understand the importance. But sometimes when I drive through these streets at night, I could smell the pain of all these people living in here. I could smell how all these people are just… trapped in their lives. Their day to day lives. They don't see much. Sometimes they get lost in it. Other times they…they just feel lost. I could feel their pain. Like, coming from these trees and these houses. I could feel that pain and…it hurts me to think that I live such a balanced life. All these people, going to work, going to pray on Sundays and…playing with their children and…I never quite understand that. Why anyone would choose to live that way. It's a stupid way to live. That's a stupid, stupid, stupid way to live. See, what people don't understand is that we choose to live…like free, free, free people. You know, we choose to live like…a people should live. I don't follow no rules on Sunday. I don't eat no pies on Monday. I don't play no games on Tuesday. I don't cry myself to sleep on Wednesday. It's all just…I don't know, one long game, I guess you could call it. One long, long game. And uh, I expect we'll win it. I expect that all these people will be dead and buried long long before I even catch my second wind. I feel like a young boy. I feel like a new man.