Várólistára tette 1
Népszerű idézetek
– But, I’m really glad you’re here. This is a sizeable crowd. This is a big place. There’s about 2500 people here, and that’s– That’s a lot of people. That’s enough people to be a sample of the population. 2500 people is enough people that you’re all going to experience– There’s enough people here to say that within two months at least one of you will die. I’m just saying. I think it’s probably accurate to say that out of any random group of 2500 people not all of you are gonna make it to Christmas, unfortunately. There’s gonna be– At least one of you here tonight is going to ruin your family’s Christmas by dying a shitty death.
– My grandmother, she gave her body to a medical school for it just to be examined and dissected, which is a good thought for that. But you know her survivors are–her family— That was a person. That was my grandmother. She used to wear glasses and say things. And now she’s just shaved head on a metal table with a hungover medical student trying to dig our her pancreas. And he gets an “F”. Imagine being the body where the kid got an “F” on you. The teacher’s like, “No, you idiot.” And he writes “F” on her tit with a Sharpie and just throws her down a shoot on a pile of “F” bodies. So, I don’t care about her.
[shout from audience]
– Shut up, idiot. Just shut your fucking mouth. Didn’t you hear me before?
– He sticks his face right in the front of his fucking head. “Hi!” He just floats it out there like a big balloon. “Hey, how’s it going?” I get upset. I get cagey. I get this weird impulse that I want to come on his face. I don’t know why that’s the thing, but that’s what I think about. I wish I could just secrete come without the sexual workup, like as a defense, like a squid or a skunk. Not sexually. I mean aggressively. “Hi!” [spurt] “Jesus, man.” “You just came in my eye.” I just want to go downstairs. I don’t want to talk.
– Everything that we introduce to the world is shitty… …meaning white people. Because– I really think that white people are from another planet because when we came to America, it was so nice. It was just Indians. And they weren’t even Indians. We called them that by accident. And we still call them that. We knew in a month that it wasn’t Indians but we just don’t give a shit. We never correct it. We came here. They’re like, “Hi.” And we’re like, “Hey, you’re Indians, right?” And they’re like, “No.” “No, this is India, right?” “No, it’s not. It’s a totally other place.” “You’re not Indians?” “No.” “Ahh, you’re Indians.” “You’re Indians for hundreds of years after.” We ruined everything here. This was the great– It was just coast-to-coast green, brown and beautiful. And all the humans were just walking around with painted faces, just walking. And they’d be like, “Oh, that looks yummy.” And they’d just eat from the ground. And then they’d sleep on the grass. And they’d wake up and they’d fuck. And then they’d go for a swim and do a little dance. That was the whole continent, just folks doing that. I mean there was people in Mexico cutting off kids’ heads and rolling them down the pyramid stairs. But that’s– I mean… That’s always going on. You know– You can’t do a whole lot about that.
– Because I’m in first class, why, for being a professional asshole. I’m in first class because I talk about babies with big dicks. That’s what got me my seat. This guy is giving his life for the country, he thinks, and so he has to sit– But that’s good enough. That’s good enough, the fact that he thinks it. I’m serious. He’s fucking told by everybody in his life system that that’s a great thing to do and he’s doing it. And it’s scary but he’s doing it. And he’s sitting in this shitty seat and I should trade with him.
