Kedvencelte 3
Várólistára tette 2
Kiemelt értékelések
nem tudom eddig miért nem jelöltem be hogy láttam mert már vagy ezerszer megnéztem de here we are i guess.
konklúzió: john mulaney az egyetlen férfi valaha és eladnám a fél vesémet érte. teljesen mindegy hogy gyakorlatilag kívülről tudom az egészet, minden egyes alkalommal halálra röhögöm magamat. a világ egy jobb hely john mulaney humorával benne.
Népszerű idézetek
Last November the strangest thing happened. Now, I don't know if you've been following the news, but I've been keeping my ears open, and it seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit things are getting pretty sticky. Here's how I try to look at it, and it's just me. This guy being the president, it's like there's a horse loose in a hospital. It's like there's a horse loose in a hospital. I think eventually everything's gonna be okay, but I have no idea what's gonna happen next. And neither do you. And neither do your parents because there's a horse loose in the hospital. It's never happened before. No one knows what the horse is gonna do next, least of all the horse. He's never been in a hospital before. He's just as confused as you are. There's no experts. They try to find experts on the news. „We're joined by a man who just saw a bird in the airport.” It's like, get out of here with that shit. We've all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse… loose in a hospital. […] And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the horse, and then 500 miles away a hippo was like „I have a nuclear bomb and I'm going to blow up the hospital!” And before we could say anything, the horse was like „If you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it! I want you to do it! I want you to do it so I can stomp you with my hooves, I'm so fucking crazy!” […] And then for a second, we were like „Maybe the horse-catcher will catch the horse.” And then the horse is like „I have fired the horse-catcher.” He can do that? That shouldn't be allowed no matter who the horse is.
That is way better than walking across a stage at graduation, hungover, in a gown, to accept a certificate for reading books that I didn't read.
I paid 120 000 dollars for someone to tell me to go read Jean Austen and then I didn't.
I don't know what my body is for other than just taking my head from room to room.
One time I was at the dinner table when I was like six because I had to be. My dad goes „How was school today?”
I said, „It was good, but I saw someone pushed Tyler off the seesaw.”
„And where were you?”
„I was over on the bench.”
„And what did you do?”
„Nothing, I was over on the bench.”
„But you saw what happened.”
„Yeah, 'cause I was over on the bench.”
„So you saw what happened and you did nothing.”
„Yeah 'cause I was sitting over on the bench.”
„Let me ask you this. In Nazi Germany… when people saw what the Nazis were doing and did nothing. Were those good people?”
„No, those are bad people. You gotta stop the Nazis.”
„But you saw what they were doing to Tyler and you did nothing.”
„Because I was over on the bench!”
And then my dad said.
„Just explain to me this. How are you better than a Nazi?”
And then my mom said, „I made a salad with Craisins!” and the conversation ended.
I just got a letter from my college, which was fun 'cause mail, you know. So I open up the letter and they said „Hey, John, it's college. You remember?” I say „Yes, of course.” And they said… How did they say it? They said, „GIVE US SOME MONEY! AS A GIFT. WE WANT A GIFT. BUT ONLY IF IT'S MONEY.”
