Louis C.K. – Óh, Istenem! (2013) 85% 2★

– Of course, if you’re fighting for your country and you get shot or hurt, it’s a terrible tragedy, of course, of course… But maybe… Maybe if you pick up a gun and go to another country and you get shot, it’s not that weird. Maybe if you get shot by the dude you were just shooting at, It’s a tiny bit your fault.

– Every single person was blocking their vision Of their actual child with their phone, and the kids– I went over by the stage and the kids– There’s people holding iPads in front of their faces. It looked like we’re all in the witness protection program. Like, the kids can’t see their parents, And everybody’s watching a shitty movie Of something that’s happening ten feet– Like, look at your fucking kid. The resolution on the kid is unbelievable if you just look. It’s totally HD. Why are you taping this? You’re never gonna watch it. In a million years, you’re not gonna watch videos Of your kids doing shit you missed The first time it happened. You don’t watch it. You just put it on Facebook. “here, you watch it. I wanna take a nap now.” And then you get to read all the comments. “my god! “it’s so cute! Ngaah!” And guess what? They’re not watching it, either. They’re not watching the video. These kids are dancing for no one. Nobody watches the videos on your Facebook. They see the first frame of a kid and they go, “that’s very nice. OK. Back to this.” Nobody’s watching your kids’ videos on Facebook, I promise you. I’ll prove it to you. Next time you tape your kid’s dance, Tape one second of it and then add 20 minutes of just your own asshole. Just go in the bathroom and just record your own anus opening and closing for 20 minutes. Tack it onto your kid dancing for a second. Put that on Facebook. Everybody will write the same thing. “That’s adorable! I think I see a future star!

– They would just– If murder was legal, there would be a lot of murder. Children would behave very differently Because mostly parents would be murdering their own kids, That’s mostly what would happen if murder was legal. You know, you’d go to a mall, there’d be, Like eight, different moms in the mall just– “I told you to stop it! You didn’t listen to me!” Just–pbbt! There’d be just– You’d be stepping over dead kids. There’d be, like, a new problem. “you have to clean up your kids “when you kill them ’cause it’s gross. “it’s bad for the environment.

– Every time a whole race of people has been enslaved, it’s a terrible, horrible thing, of course… But maybe… Maybe every incredible human achievement in history was done with slaves. Every single thing where you go, “how did they build those pyramids?” They just threw human death and suffering at them until they were finished. How did we traverse the nation with the railroad so quickly? We just threw Chinese people in caves and blew ’em up and didn’t give a shit what happened to them. There’s no end to what you can do when you don’t give a fuck about particular people. You can do anything. That’s where human greatness comes from, is that we’re shitty people, that we fuck others over. Even today, how do we have this amazing microtechnology? Because the factory where they’re making these, They jump off the fucking roof ’cause it’s a nightmare in there. You really have a choice. You can have candles and horses and be a little kinder to each other or let someone suffer immeasurably far away Just so you can leave a mean comment on YouTube while you’re taking a shit.