A legendás komikus Carlin visszatér a Beacon színházba, hogy dühösen szónokoljon a reptéri biztonságról, bacilusokról, szivarokról, angyalokról, gyerekekről és szülőkről, férfiakról, nevekről, vallásról, Istenről, reklámokról, Bill Jeffről és kisebbségekről. (IMDb)
Népszerű idézetek
Ódor_Endre
– Here’s another bunch of ignorant shit… school uniforms. Bad theory; the idea that if kids wear uniforms to school, it helps keep order. Don’t these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike? Now they’re gonna get them to look alike too? And it’s not a new idea; I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand cause the narration was in German!
Ódor_Endre
– Listen, kids don’t smoke because a camel in sunglasses tells them to, they smoke for the same reasons adults do because it relieves anxiety and depression.
Ódor_Endre
– I think every day; all children should have three hours of daydreaming. Just daydreaming – you could use a little of it yourself by the way – just sit at the window, stare at the clouds, it’s good for you. If you wanna know how you can help your children, leave them the fuck alone!
Ódor_Endre
-…all-American bullshit because think of how we started… think of that. This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us “all men are created equal”. Oh yeah… all men, except for Indians and Niggers and women right? Always like to use that authentic American language. This was a small group of unelected white male, land-holding, slave owners who also suggested their class be the only one allowed to vote.
Ódor_Endre
– This is just like the business world, same as business; everybody knows by now, all businessmen are completely full of shit; just the worst kind of low-life, criminal, cocksuckers, you could ever want to run into… a fucking piece of shit businessman. And the proof of it is they don’t even trust each other! They don’t trust one another! When a businessman sits down and negotiates a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who’s trying to fuck him out of his money! So he’s gotta do everything he can to fuck the other guy a little bit faster and a little bit harder… and he’s gotta do it with a big smile on his face. You know that big, bullshit, businessman smile? And if you’re a customer, whoa… that’s when you get the really big smile! Customers always get the really big smile as the businessman carefully positions himself directly behind the customer and unzips his pants and proceeds to service the account!
Ódor_Endre
– But in the bullshit department, in the bullshit department, a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman… cause I gotta tell you the truth folks, I gotta tell you the truth. When it comes to bullshit, big time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe, in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims… religion. No contest! No contest! Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it… religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day, and the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do! And if you do any of these 10 things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time… but he loves you. He loves you and he NEEDS MONEY! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow, just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story… holy shit!
Ódor_Endre
– But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know when it comes to believing in God, I really tried, I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God who created each of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things, I really tried to believe that but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize something is fucked up. Something is wrong here… war, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these don’t belong on the résumé of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say “this guy” because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man; no woman could or would ever fuck things up like this!
Ódor_Endre
– Sun worship is fairly simple. There’s no mysteries, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don’t have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I’m unworthy, doesn’t tell me I’m a bad person who needs to be saved, hasn’t said an unkind word, treats me fine.
Ódor_Endre
– So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun but, as I said, I don’t pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons… first of all, I think he’s a good actor okay? To me, that counts. Second… he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around.
Ódor_Endre
– That’s because there is no Humpty Dumpty and there is no God, none, not one, no God, never was. In fact, I’m gonna put it this way… if there is a God, if there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened! Nothing happened! Everybody’s okay! All right? Tell you what… I’ll raise the stakes. I’ll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead! See? Nothing happened- oh, wait… got a little cramp in my leg… and my balls hurt… plus, I’m blind… I’m bli- oh, now I’m okay again… must’ve been Joe Pesci huh? God bless Joe Pesci!
